Inside the Igbo Traditional Marriage: What Every Couple Should Know

Marriage within Igbo culture is a deeply meaningful journey; one rooted in tradition, family, and honour. Whether you’re in Nigeria or planning your ceremony in the diaspora, there are key cultural rites every couple must observe before the marriage is considered complete. These rites remain the same no matter where in the world your Igbo traditional wedding takes place.

Photo: @streetically

There are four main stages traditionally recognised in Igbo marriage rites:

1. IJU ESE

2. IKU AKA

3. UGWO ISI

4. IGBA NKWU

If you’re wondering what each of these stages truly mean, you’re not alone. For many couples, especially those in the diaspora, the process can feel like stepping into a world of timelines, traditions, and expectations you're still trying to decode.

So, let's break them down and walk through the significance of each step.

Introduction and Enquiry Stage

Iju Ese, meaning “to enquire” or “to ask”, is the foundational stage of the Igbo marriage process.  It's the stage where both families take time to learn about one another, exploring character, values, reputation, and background. It’s deeper than a casual exchange of questions; it's the time to ensure that both families are compatible and that the marriage is being built on mutual understanding and alignment. 

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It is during this stage that you find out about the family’s lineage, their standing in the community, their values, and whether there are hidden issues that could affect the marriage.

Elders may also enquire about health history, family conduct, as well as moral and social reputation.

There's an Igbo adage that says,

Onye a jụghị ajụjụ, azụ a kpọrọ ya n’azụ,

meaning “he who fails to ask questions ends up misled”. 

This captures the spirit of Iju Ese - it sets the tone for everything that follows!

Once the findings are clear and satisfactory, the remaining marriage rites can proceed with confidence and peace of mind.

Formal Proposal and Family Acceptance Stage

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Iku Aka which means to knock, refers to knocking on your Ogo’s (in-law’s) door. It’s the formal visit where the groom makes his intentions known to the family of the woman he wants to marry.

It signifies the groom respectfully stating his intention to marry, making it the first official and culturally recognised declaration of commitment and marriage proposal.

The groom must come with a gift, which is why the elders say

A naghị agba aka eje be ogo

Meaning  "you don’t go to your in-law’s house empy-handed".

During the Iku Aka, the groom does not speak for himself. A spokesman from his family presents the purpose of the visit, and the bride’s family responds through their own representative. If the bride’s family accepts the proposal, they provide the groom with the bride price list which contains the list of items the groom must provide for the bride and her immediate and extended family. 

Payment of the Bride Price

Ugwu Isi or Imégo, is the ceremony where the groom and his family come to pay the bride price. It is a small but important gathering held before the main traditional wedding ceremony. At this stage, the list given to the groom is brought back in full, and both families sit together to confirm that everything required has been provided.

Discussions and negotiations usually take place at this stage and both families must reach a final agreement before the marriage rites continue and the bride is brought out. Although it is not yet the main traditional wedding, Ugwu Isi is the stage where the groom’s family shows respect, fulfills their obligations, and receives the approval needed to proceed to the final rites or celebrations.

Final Wedding Ceremony / Public Celebration

Igba Nkwu is the final celebration that marks the completion of the Igbo traditional marriage stages. It is the day the bride publicly presents her husband to her family and friends and receives her family’s final blessing.

THE SEARCH is undoubtedly one of the most awaited moments of the Igba Nkwu ceremony where before the bride comes out in her second outfit, the groom hides amongst the guests. The bride then comes out and kneels before her father, who presents her with a drink, commonly palm wine, and instructs her to find the man she intends to marry and offer him the drink.

As the bride dances in search of her groom accompanied by her close friends, guests spray her money and playfully beckon her for the drink. 

Once she finds her groom, she kneels before him with the drink still covered, giving the groom the opportunity to spray her with money before she unveils the drink, sips a little and then offers it to him to drink. 

After he drinks, the groom will put some money in the empty cup as a token for his bride. 

Hand in hand, the couple make their way to the bride's father, who blesses them and declares them officially husband and wife!

Photo: @officialbigdealweddings

Igba Nkwu is the public declaration that both families have agreed, accepted, and sealed the union. It represents the bride’s transition from her father’s household into her own new home, and the groom’s acceptance of full responsibility for her. It shows that their marriage is rooted in family, lineage, and community approval, not just personal choice.

Are you Igbo or planning an Igbo traditional wedding?

Then download our e-guide on Igbo traditional marriage stages where we break down each stage and give you tips on planning an Igbo traditional wedding while living abroad.

Igbo Wedding Guide

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